As a dad, it’s my job to protect my daughters. When it comes to dating my daughter, there are certain requirements that must be met before I can certify it as an official relationship.
Dating my daughter
First off, I’m not entirely sure why anyone would want to date my daughter. Why? I hear you ask? Well, she’s just weird. Yeh, she’s a good-looking kid (I say, kid, she’s a young adult), highly intelligent, and has a promising future ahead of her. She’s also a bonified member of the S.A.S (School of Attitude and Stroppyness). But generally speaking, she’s just weird.
So when the time came to her having a boyfriend, Mrs. F and I just thought, as parents do, it won’t last. Nearly one year on and She’s still with the same boyfriend. Must be getting serious?
Meet my parents
When the time came to introduce her new boyfriend to Mrs F and I, it took about 8 months, maybe a bit longer. Im quite confident he was pre warned of how embarrassing I actually am as a dad. Not entirely sure why she would think that though (I do!).
Are you worthy of dating my daughter?
Nearly 1 year into the relationship, I don’t see any let-up. It obviously got serious, so it was time for the Worthiness test. Fathers Against Relationships Tests (FART) developed this test in order to establish the worthiness of a daughter’s partner. It consists of a series of physical and mental tests. Once all tests are completed Dads are able to verify the worthiness of their daughter’s partner. The results have no bearing on anything at all and ultimately you can make your mind up either way at the end of the test. Out of a total number of 1 participant, it has been proven to be a resounding success.
The Worthiness Test
There are a series of tasks that must be completed by the daughters partner. The following tasks were completed with the associated answers and results:
Use of a spade
At the very beginning of my gardening project, I invited my daughter’s boyfriend over to help dig up the old garden, with the payment being food. His ability to use a spade and his stamina are quite important. I needed to assess his digging ability, you never know when he may need to dig a rather large hole. PASSED
Spicy Pizza Test
As I said, payment for digging my garden up was food. Which also leads to the next test. Can he eat a spicy pizza without breaking into a sweat and guzzling pints of water? Apart from sitting 3 feet away from me, he did well, didn’t break into a sweat. He would definitely have broken into a sweat the next morning though… PASSED
Basic Q & A
The following question where put forward to establish his way and method of thinking and willingly participated:
1. In 10 words or less, what does ‘Do not touch my daughter mean to you?
Answer: Not sure, can’t quite put my finger on it. FAIL
2. In 10 words or less, what does abstinence mean to you?
Answer: Its something to celibate SARCASM PASS
3. If you were beaten: what would the last bone in your body you’d want to be broken?
Answer: Cranium NEITHER A PASS nor FAIL
4. When you meet a girl, what’s the first thing you notice? (if the answer starts with a T or an A, refer to question 3 and run)
Answer: Tibia / Aorta FAIL
So a series of mental questions were asked to determine the response time and ability to assess a situation:
1 . Dave left on a horse on Friday, was gone for 2 days, and came back on Friday, how did that happen?
Answer: Horses name was Friday PASSED
2. Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Answer: Because 7,8,9 PASSED
3. Which is heavier? a tonne of bricks or a tonne of feathers.
Answer: Neither, they weigh the same PASSED
Whilst it is my duty as a dad to physically and emotionally protect my daughters, It is important to know that she will be protected whilst with her partner. So the final test was one of physical agility. Can he put himself through a physical ordeal to protect my daughter…
Scenario: Chloe is on fire, how many hoops will you jump through to save her life?
Video evidence is required. If no video is submitted, the worthiness test and relationship become void.
5 Jumps isnt enough, but A for effort. PASS
As I mentioned, the overall result has no bearing on anything whatsoever. You ultimately decide whether the partner in question is worthy of dating your daughter. In this instance, for pure willingness to participate and make a right fool of himself, the result is an overall PASS. However, Question 3 in the Q&A and the use of a spade will always be an option.