Saturday, May 28, 2022
Family LifeParentingParenting isn’t all sunshine and rainbows

Parenting isn’t all sunshine and rainbows

Parenting isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s tough, really tough and at times gets you down.

Parenting isn’t easy

I haven’t wrote a blog post in a while and there is a good reason. I’ve not become complacent or lazy, quite the opposite actually. As well as being super busy decorating and trying to finish my winter/spring jobs, ready to do my summer jobs, we’ve been busy attempting parenting.

I use ‘attempting parenting’ quite loosely. It’s been a rough couple months. I think it’s fair to say we feel like we’ve failed. This isn’t a plea for sympathy, it’s an observation.

I see all the time on Facebook and Instagram, photos of families having the time of their lives. The perfect photo that depicts a perfect family. It doesn’t make me jealous or envious, it actually frustrates me if I’m honest. I may cause controversy saying this, but I’m going to say it anyway. No family is perfect, 100% happy and never have problems. The photos I see are of families that, are, at that moment in time, having a perfect time. We seem to live in a society where we feel obligated to be picture perfect, and to make people believe our life is perfect.

Parenting isn’t easy, no one said it would be. I always set out to be honest with the content on my blog and this post is as honest as you can get.

Stressful situations

As a parent we’re expected to just be there as and when we’re needed. And we do. If a problem happens, your child is upset or for whatever reason, we are there for them no matter what. We’d go to hell and back to protect our kids from hurt and pain. But how far into hell can a parent go before the heat is too much. In some cases all if the way… In other cases, you realise your burning yourself for no reason at all.

There’s no one person to blame in stressful situations, yes there may be an instigator but both parent and child can and do create a stressful situation. Arguments happen, lies will be told and hurtful actions may be made. But as a parent we stand our ground because we can see emotional pain in our children. We’ve been there before, we were once that child, and in many cases, we know how to fix it. Sounds like a clear solution right? Listen to our children, understand and then educate them…

Bring on the wall

Sadly, there isn’t always a clear cut solution. Kids are stubborn. If they don’t want to tell you something, they won’t. If they’ve done something wrong, they don’t always admit to their mistakes, like many adults, we don’t like being in the wrong.

You’ll feel like you are literally hitting your head against a brick wall. You’ll try to get basic information just to see if your child is ok. It’s not making a situation worse, it’s a parents prerogative, as much as your child doesn’t see it, we do care! You’ll likely be told to stop asking and to leave them alone or worse, be completely ignored.

There comes a point though that admitting those mistakes can be the start to a solution. Until that point comes there’s not a great deal you can do, apart from reassure your child that you are there for them, whenever that time maybe.

A parents hurt and pain

Kids of pubescent and adolescent age see parents as the most annoying thing going. We cause all of the problems, we’re embarrassing and we literally understand nothing at all. We’ll never understand what it’s like being that age, because we never went to school, never had relationships nore would we ever understand anything, because “it is different”.

Kids don’t realise that whatever the situation they are in, whether it be good or bad a parent has an emotional attachment to that situation. It’s in a child’s genetics to be like this, it’s not a fault of the child. But during a specific age they become incredibly self centred and opinionated and have no understanding that their actions have emotional consequences.

As an example of this, a heated debate between you and your child stems from emotions from both sides. As parents we can see pain and hurt in our kids. As a child, they see it as “you’re just having a go at me”, or “how I feel, doesn’t affect you, your feelings are insignificant”. It’s a tricky situation that takes you back to hitting your head off a brick wall again.

I find it quite important to let your child know how you are feeling too. That’s not to say you should ignore your child’s feelings. They are the ones hurting. But they do need to understand that other people have feelings too and that your main purpose is to support and help your child as best you can. Without an understanding of how their actions are affecting others they won’t be able to start making the small steps to change their behaviour.

As a parent it’s ok to be upset and hurt by our kids, we’re human after all. It’s also perfectly reasonable to tell your kids how their behaviour has made you feel. If you don’t communicate both ways, you’ll get no where.

Parenting fail

I said at the start of this post that we feel like we’ve failed at parenting over that past few months. We haven’t. But it certainly feels that way at the moment. It’s tough and never easy being a parent.

The older your child gets, the more strenuous situations can get. They’re starting to develop their own independence, discovering themselves and their thought process is based purely on emotion and as a result creates a situation that neither party can resolve.

For now, I’ll carry on decorating and doing the DIY jobs that need doing, in the hope that Father Time will do his job.

7 COMMENTS

  1. Given how I was during my teenage and childhood, I understand your frustration. It’s like a cycle. An individual go through what his or her parents went through While raising. Nice to know your views on parenting.

  2. I hear you, Damion. We’ve had a tough few months for similar reasons and are always doubting ourselves. As you quite rightly suggest, there’s no point in striving for perfection because nobody is ever going to achieve that. When things are tough, I remind myself of all the things we’ve got right as parents and that sometimes helps. I agree that keeping yourself busy is good too – we’ve been much more proactive with getting DIY jobs done this year and feel better for it.

  3. Good on you for being honest and open about the none perfectness of parenting Damion. It is extremely hard and stressful. Hope all is ok with the family and you are all well.

    Sometimes in situations like this patience from a parents part and reassurance is key.

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