Me Tired and regretful

3 Minutes read

Have you ever spent the night somewhere else and later, have a deep sense of regret. I did and I’d never do it again!

I can’t get no sleep

Of late I’ve found it difficult to get a decent nights sleep. Or to just get any sleep in fact.

Last night was no different, I tossed and turned, my mind working over on all sorts of things. Then the inevitable happened. Alfie woke up and said the famous words… “Maaam… Can I come in”. Let me just be realistic for a moment here.

Who, at 1am can be bothered to be messing about trying to get their kid to go back to their own bed when you’re knackered yourself!?

There’s many help books on how to get your child to sleep and we’ve tried them all I think. This little fella just refuses to sleep longer than 5 hours in his own bed!

I’ve had enough

So, I’m wide awake and just can’t sleep. Mainly because Alfie fidgets, grinds his teeth and talks in his sleep more than he does when he’s awake. Add to the mix the trombone effect that comes from Mrs F’s nostrils when she’s asleep, it’s set to be a fantastic night!

It’s 2am, by this point I’d had enough I want more than this. I need to get out and find comfort elsewhere. In a strop, I fling the bed covers off me, or at least the few covers I had, get dressed and leave. I’ve had enough, can’t cope with it anymore. I was 100% sure this is what I wanted. And yes, before you judge me I did think of my wife and kids, but I have to do what’s right for me.

Comfort elsewhere

I look out of the window and see it’s been snowing, I’m in for a cold night. I set out on my journey to somewhere that I find comforting, relaxing and somewhere I’m happy to be. All be it I don’t go there that often.

I arrive at the place I want to spend the night. Do I feel guilt, a little bit. But I have to do what I feel is right for me.

There she is… just laid there in the room, in all her glory. I start to snuggle into her knowing I’ll get a some comfort, the room is silent with just the dull sound of the clock in the background. Tick tock, tick tock. I put my head between her ‘pillows’ but I’m not feeling the comfort I want. I strip her of everything she’s wearing and lay on top of her, but nothing. I’m getting no connection, no emotion or feeling of comfort. I even laid beside her, on top of her belongings on the floor but still feel no comfort. She’s just not doing it for me anymore. What have I done? I left my wife through the night for what?

Regret

I’m starting to regret my decision. It’s now 6am and I’ve had next to no sleep. I might as well just get up and leave. I left my wife to spend the night somewhere I thought I’d feel comfort and didn’t. So, I took the dog for a walk in the snow thinking about how much of a mistake I’d made. Deeply regretting my decision. I cant go back from it now. Last night happened.

Snow covered trees on the dog walk

On Reflection

I can honestly say going downstairs to sleep on the sofa was a bad decision. I genuinely thought, my sofa was comfortable. It’s not! Far from it. My dog might find it comfortable, but I certainly don’t. I’m buying a new sofa!

Missy Laying on the sofa with me
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